And before you say anything, I'm aware of the "just being nice" defense. Because, it's not that. I like people to be nice. I think it's nice when someone asks if I'd like a hand and gives me a choice. What I do not like is the help that is thrown at me rendering me frail and powerless in a moment where I'm not requiring any assistance. I always think of the reverse—would this guy do the same if I were a man? Of course not. Or he would at least have responded the first or even the second time I said "thanks, I've got it". But finally, when I turned around for the third time to see that he was ready to mount me from behind while saying "oh, you just got a little bit more to go", like I'm a 5 year old, I had to look directly at him and say "Please let go of my bike".
It must be confusing for some guys. They're raised to do all kinds of things for women, without any explanation why and are never sure whether it makes them a wuss, tough, rude, nice, letchy, perverted or helpful. I'm willing to give many the benefit of the doubt and I don't get bothered when a guy holds open a door for me. I hold open doors for people. I just think it's the thing to do.
But there are other things, like me lifting my bike onto the vertical hook on the light rail that, if I'm doing it already, I don't need help. I'm also not so fond of people touching my stuff but that's sort of a secondary irrational pet peeve. And what makes it more of an awkward and sometimes frustrating situation is that getting your bike on that hook isn't exactly the easiest thing to do. I see all kinds of people, big and small, struggle with it. But if I don't get it up there immediately on the first try, it's like I'm a stubborn, silly female who really can't do it but hates men and doesn't want there help so will instead injure herself in the process.
This got me thinking about stubbornness. I had been accused of this for most of my developing years and less frequently as I get older. But mostly, what I was supposedly being "stubborn" about were basic things like insisting on going some place on my own rather than being escorted there (i.e. walking to the bus stop) or basically doing something, anything, that I wanted to do. "Stubborn", "Independent" and "Pigheaded" (thanks Mom) are some key words for many women choosing to do something on their own that others think they shouldn't and can often be spoken with the word "too" placed in front of them.
I wish I wasn't repeating what I said to this supposedly helpful guy over and over again in my head. My polite self that's often telling me I'm too stubborn is having a conversation in my head with the self that is confident and able-bodied. The 2nd self is attempting to win. The first self is hoping that I don't run into this guy on the train again.
It must be confusing for some guys. They're raised to do all kinds of things for women, without any explanation why and are never sure whether it makes them a wuss, tough, rude, nice, letchy, perverted or helpful. I'm willing to give many the benefit of the doubt and I don't get bothered when a guy holds open a door for me. I hold open doors for people. I just think it's the thing to do.
But there are other things, like me lifting my bike onto the vertical hook on the light rail that, if I'm doing it already, I don't need help. I'm also not so fond of people touching my stuff but that's sort of a secondary irrational pet peeve. And what makes it more of an awkward and sometimes frustrating situation is that getting your bike on that hook isn't exactly the easiest thing to do. I see all kinds of people, big and small, struggle with it. But if I don't get it up there immediately on the first try, it's like I'm a stubborn, silly female who really can't do it but hates men and doesn't want there help so will instead injure herself in the process.
This got me thinking about stubbornness. I had been accused of this for most of my developing years and less frequently as I get older. But mostly, what I was supposedly being "stubborn" about were basic things like insisting on going some place on my own rather than being escorted there (i.e. walking to the bus stop) or basically doing something, anything, that I wanted to do. "Stubborn", "Independent" and "Pigheaded" (thanks Mom) are some key words for many women choosing to do something on their own that others think they shouldn't and can often be spoken with the word "too" placed in front of them.
I wish I wasn't repeating what I said to this supposedly helpful guy over and over again in my head. My polite self that's often telling me I'm too stubborn is having a conversation in my head with the self that is confident and able-bodied. The 2nd self is attempting to win. The first self is hoping that I don't run into this guy on the train again.
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