Saturday, July 26, 2008

damages

In the continuing realization of my neglect and poor health care as a child, i got to experience a day of barely any eating except what soft food i could mash into my mouth due to my TMJ acting up again. It started innocently in the morning while trying to eat a granola bar. The apple i had also brought back with me to my room sat mockingly on the corner of my bed all day. What a tease.

I thought this image described the experience rather well except that my hairstyle and sweater choice isn't quite as fetching.

This has been going on since the age of 14 after i fell on a railroad track (don't ask) but i didn't put 2 and 2 together until i was almost 30. As a teenager, my jaw would regularly lock open or closed—an extreme version of what i experience now (i'm better at sensing the warning signs). It is the most frustrating thing to not be able to talk or feed yourself. What's odd, is that i didn't even think, until yesterday, that this should have been something my parents should have taken me to the doctor for. It is really strange to find more evidence that actually generates physical pain of my parents lack of concern and attention as well as overall laziness. If your child couldn't chew because her jaw was locked shut, would you just provide her a straw and some tomato soup? I'm also finding it interesting that as i unearth certain emotional pains from the past, physical pains are making more sense. They begin to go hand in hand. The other would be the repaired fracture in my lower back that (the doctor says) occurred a very long time ago, most likely in childhood. It's painful every day.

1 comment:

girlxty said...

I think my cousin Linda had hair like this.
I hope you can eat today and find some muscle relaxers.

Is it horrible of me to say that your parents are fools and big jerks..

I am amazed at how wonderful you are considering their lack of parenting skills. I know it hasn't been easy.